Letters to the DHI
by KatofFlorida
Summary: You want to write to the Keepers? Go ahead! Review the story and wait for an update for a response. Genius, I tell you. Thanks to Fangalicious08 for making me decide to do this! Rated T in case...
1. Chapter 1

Me: Lots of people are doing it, so why not?

Finn: Doing what?

Me: Delivering mail, of course! The DHIs get LOTS OF MAIL. Also, you can review the story and start off like,

**Dear Finn,**

**I like… ch…eetahs.**

**Love, Kat**

Finn: Ch…eetahs?

Me: I wanted to put cheese. Finn and all of them can respond, and I can bring it for them! Since they happen to live in the same state as me. Fanfiction powers, since I can't drive. Yet.

Finn: We will all regret the day Kat can drive.

Me: Bring it up with the driving people. Anyway, WRITE! This will updated… whenever and EVERYONE YOU SEND IT TO WILL RESPOND.

Finn: But for now, here's a wee bit of what you'll be seeing.

Letters to the DHI, Chapter 1

_Kat POV_

I opened my backpack and shoved as much mail as I could. Curse you, over obsessive fangirls! I stood in the middle of the living room and spoke the spell.

"Hocus Pocus, Abrakadabra, Alakazam, Finn's House!" I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was standing on the table in Finn's house.

"Hi Kat," Jez said, breezily passing me, because they saw me too often, when I called meetings. (Different story, maybe later).

"Here's Finn's mail!" I said cheerfully, sliding it under the door. Or tried to. It didn't fit, overly obsessive fangirls and all. I got on my knees, shoving it as hard as I could underneath the door. The door swung open suddenly and I slipped and faceplanted in the carpet, the letters flying across the room.

"Kat?" Finn asked.

"Mailtime!" I exclaimed, hopping up.

_Finn POV_

I picked up the scattered letters and opened the first one.

**Dear Finn, **

**Is it fun being the leader of the DHIs? Do you really love Amanda? Is she your girlfriend? You're my favorite DHI!**

**Love,**

**Ninablossom**

I sighed and wrote back.

**Dear Ninablossom,**

**It's quite interesting being the leader, but I don't want to come off as bossy. I do NOT love Amanda, despite common belief, therefore, that answers the third question: She's not my girlfriend. And thank you for being a fan!**

**Love,**

**Finn**

I put that on the table and one of the magical Harry Potter owls swooped in through the window that was closed and took the letter away. One thing those owls were good for. I read the next one.

**Dear Finn,**

**Are you aware that Kat kidnapped you? In another life? I'm holding Philby hostage and Catluver3 has Amanda. I think. Anyway, by little raptor!**

**Love,**

**KingdomKeepersNerdness**

What?

**Dear KingdomKeepersNerdness,**

**I apparently am not aware that Kat kidnapped me. All she does is bring us mail. In another life? I'm certain I'm still on my first life, thank you very much. I'm also certain that you do not have Philby because he is answering mail in the room next door right now. And Amanda's here too. I do not believe I am a miniature bird.**

**Love,**

** Finn**

_Willa POV_

"MAIL!" Kat screamed through the door. I opened it up and saw her skipping down the stairs to Philby's room. I picked up the pile of letters at my feet and prepared to write.

**Dear Willa,**

**Are you and Philby dating? You should. Also, I have Philby hostage, and you're in the closet with him. GIVE ME SOME KLEENEX AND A MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU WISH TO SEE YOU BOTH ALIVE AGAIN.**

**Love,**

** Catluver3**

Huh? I was going to call up Philby, but I studied it for awhile before deciding even HE couldn't make sense of it.

**Dear Catluver3,**

**Philby and I are not dating, and I've seen plenty of stories for 'Wilby'. You probably do not have Philby hostage because he's downstairs making cookies. I prefer Puff's actually, not Kleenex, and you have me at your house? Maybe you have early trick-or-treaters?**

**Peace In the World,**

** Willa**

I set it down on the windowsill and Bill Gates swooped it up. Don't judge the name of my Harry Potter owl!

**Dear Willa,**

**I like the shampoo you use, Herbal Essences, but sometimes you use Garnier Fructis when you run out. I'll see you tonight. But you won't see me. You never do.**

**Watching Always,**

** Bret**

"KAT!" I screamed. She flung open the door.

"What? Poison? Anthrax?"

"No!" I showed her the letter. She began laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny about this?" I demanded.

"Nothing," she said, suddenly not laughing. "I wonder how he wrote the letter, probably the few times he was conscious…"

"What?"

"Don't worry, it's just Bret the Stalker. He acts like he stalks you, but really, he's locked up in my closet, occasionally being tased!" she reassured me cheerfully.

"Wait, what?"

"Tip, tip, cheerio!" she said in a British accent before leaping out of my room.

**Dear Bret,**

**No comment.**

**Peace In the World,**

**Willa**

Me: And for reference, NinaBlossom, Catluver3, and KingdomKeepersNerdness are all real people. And Bret.

Finn: He's part of Catluver3's story, Adventures of the Average Middle Schooler.

Me: I don't think that's the title.

Finn: I made it up.

Me: Okay.. anyway…

**Read and Review? Send letters to them! They're bored without it! I won't have an excuse to confuse you! Or them! With the kidnapping cloning thing. And as for, 'when I call a meeting', I accidentally mentioned that and don't believe in Backspace buttons. Mythical creatures! Anyway, when I start a new fanfic, I gather OCs, instructors, Fanfiction writers, birds, rhinos, and purple cheetahs in the same room and try to inform them of what they do in the story. Gah, that's too confusing, maybe I'lll write another story about the insane meetings I'm forced to have. WRITE LETTERS! And BRET is always watching.**


	2. Chapter 2

Me: Thanks for the quick reviews! I got six so this one will be kind of long!

Finn: I hope I got some interesting ones!

Me: It's not even you getting the letter, it's your OC.

Finn: … So the story Me gets the letters, not me me?

Me: Exactly.

Finn: I don't even know what I said.

Letters to the DHI: Chapter 2

_Kat POV_

"ERGO!" I yelled, lashing Philby to his bed.

"I don't want to answer mail!"

"ANSWER IT!" I left the only letter he got on the windowsill and ran away, after saying "Ergo" again and releasing him. For the non-Percy Jackson fans, I think it is Greek for something. For Percy Jackson fans, Crusty said it in the Water Bed Palace or whatever. You know what it does.

_Philby POV_

Only one letter? I don't feel loved. I bet Finn got more, crazy fangirls. Hopefully no boys. Agh, I'm turning into a homphobe. Homophobes are bad. I opened the first one.

**Dear Philby, **

**Do you love Willa? Have you ever considered becoming leader to the DHIs? Overthrowing power and all that.**

**Peace and Caramel,**

** Alexis**

Why is every letter I've ever received about me dating Willa?

**Dear Alexis,**

**I am NOT dating Willa, nor will I ever, maybe in fanfics, but in real life, very much no. I have considered becoming leader, but I never wanted to be controlling of the people, I'm not exactly street-smart like Finn or the others. Maybe a bit more book-smart.**

**Love,**

** Philby**

_Charlene POV_

I opened my door only to be attacked by none other than our mailman. Or woman.

"Mail!" Kat yelled, throwing a bundle of letters at me, whacking me in the face with them before skipping down the hall. I growled and rubbed my sore face. I picked up the scattered mail and sat down to write, wondering what creepy ones I would see, or hate ones. Answer all of them, Kat said. I sighed and read the first one.

**Hey Charlene,**

**I'm hot and free. And you're hot and free. Pick you up Saturday at 8:00.**

**-James (Your Future Boyfriend)**

I had gotten letters like these before, and I knew somewhat how to handle creepy ones like 'I'm watching you' or the weirder one, 'I can feel you breathing'.

**Dear James,**

**You probably don't even know where I live. And if you're so hot, where's a picture?**

What? He could look like Johny Depp or something!

**And I have a thousand requests pending, including one for marriage, so I will consider your offer nicely.**

**Love,**

** Charlene**

I opened the next one… from Olympus? I excitedly opened it to see one of the few hate mail I have received.

**Dear Charlene,**

**WHY ARE YOU SUCH A CRYBABY? I MEAN REALLY!**

**Peace from Olympus,**

** Artemis**

Artemis was probably jealous that I was allowed to date, and didn't have to despise boys wherever I went. I, unfortunately, was obliged to write back.

**Dear Artemis,**

**I really appreciate your support! I enjoy hearing from fans because they make us Keepers keep doing what we do. Thanks for being there for me, Artemis!**

**Sarcastically Yours,**

** Charlene**

_Willa POV_

Even though Kat had already come by with the creepy letter from Bret, who she tases, she returned with more.

"Two more?" I asked exasperatedly. She nodded.

"Yup. And when you're done, come downstairs, there's a letter addressed to all of you. LATER!" then she was gone. Like magic almost.

**Dear Willa,**

**Do you ever get jealous of people? If so please tell me who.**

**Best Wishes,**

** Lex**

I smiled. A nice fan! Not many people know a lot about the girls, maybe Charlene, and also Finn gets recognition. I don't get recognized a lot, which is good, and bad.

**Dear Lex,**

**I do get jealous of people, it's part of human nature I suppose. I get jealous of every girl who is pretty and smart and everything that anyone could ever want and insist they are none of the previous things. It's like they can't accept they're perfect. Also, Charlene is included in the description. Thanks for writing!**

**Peace In the World,**

** Willa**

I set it on the desk and Bill Gates took it away, to Lex's house. I don't know how he knew where Lex lived, or that he could read the address stamp, but I did know I wanted an owl GPS. I'd never get lost again.

**Dear Willa,**

**Your signature makes you sound like a hipipie. Are you a hippie? Do you wear tyedye clothing and weird glasses? Do you do your homework… ON THE TOILET? (inside joke w/ my friend)**

**Having fun creeping you out,**

** J**

Umm.

**Dear J,**

**I am not a hippie, I just believe in spreading peace, and violence is not the answer. I don't wear tyedye clothes, I don't even know how to tyedye, or the strange dark Harry Potter glasses. Who does their homework on the toilet? I don't even think hippies go that far.**

**Peace In the World,**

** Willa**

I quickly ran downstairs to see all the Keepers, except Jez and Amanda, sitting in the living room, Kat in the Chair of Awesome. The chair is the huge fluffy recliner that massages and has a heater as well. And a cupholder. She usually slept in it when she was her, but when she wasn't it was like Sparta to see who got to the chair first. No, I'm not exaggerating.

_Kat POV_

"This is a letter addressed to all of you guys, so ANSWER TRUTHFULLY. Maybeck…" Maybeck was known for his ability to lie, but when I was around, I knew exactly who took the cookies from the cookie jar.

**Dear All the Keepers,**

**What's the like lowest grade you've like ever gotten on well like your report card and separate?**

**Cool Like That,**

** Purplegurl**

"Philby, you go first," Finn said.

"Lowest grade I got was a seventy on a surprise Latin test."

"Ooh, I bet your mom got so mad…" Maybeck said sarcastically.

"She would've, but I did three extra-credit assignments to replace it," Philby chuckled, like he was telling a funny story. I know one person who woujld be proud to get a seventy and put it in his memory box, Maybeck.

"My lowest grade was sixty-eight, I didn't do the back problems correctly," Finn admitted.

"My lowest was a seventy-three, I barely passed a history test," Charlene said.

"My lowest was a sixty-four. I failed an oral presentation in Spanish," Willa said.

"What was yours, Kat?" Maybeck asked.

"It says the Keepers. Am I a Keeper? No. But Maybeck is and he hasn't gone yet. Go on, Beck Beck," I said. I called him 'Beck Beck' because it annoyed him and it was fun to say. Like a parrot-word or something.

"My lowest was a… fifty-two… I… didn't show up to class…. For a week…"

"You skipped class?" I asked. He nodded.

"And didn't do the makeup work?" He nodded again. I snorted.

"I think PurpleGurl got her answer. Now go eat some cookies!" I said. Philby had made some cookies earlier and they were still warm. Before I ate them, they were.

"Hey!"

"Where are they?"

"They were just…?"

"Did Kat…?"

"Bye guys!" I said, eating on of the cookies and disappearing.

Finn: You stole Philby's cookies?

Me: Peanut Butter Cookies. GOOD STUFF.

Finn: What a…

Me: SHH! I'm taking a test.

Finn: But we're at home.

Me: SHH! I'm sleeping.

Finn: No you're…

**Read and Review? Still accepting letters for the next update! Which is soon. And if you made peanut butter cookies, expect them to be gone soon. And how do I know where you are? The Owl GPS, courtesy of Willa and Bill Gates. The owl. Not the person. **


	3. Chapter 3

Me: Spreading the love!

Finn: Another update?

Me: I've got nothing better to do.

Finn: Like homework?

Me: Exactly.

Finn: -sigh-

Chapter 3: Letters to the DHI

_Kat POV_

I glared at my overstuffed mailbox, taking a garbage bag and taking it to the kitchen table. ARGH. I mumbled curse words in Greek as I dragged it up the driveway.

"Need help?" someone asked. I sighed and turned to see Captain America standing there. Not in uniform, but similar. He was wearing a Captain America T-shirt, how egotistic.

"Yeah, I'm trying to take this bag to my house, and…" I said. He picked up the bag and picked it up, throwing it perfectly, so it landed at the front door.

"Thanks. I didn't know your new Job Description was helping Fanfiction writers." He shrugged.

"Helping someone is helping America," he said.

"Did someone pay you to say that?"

"No," he chuckled. "Hey Thor!" he waved down the driveway at Thor jamming out to Green Day, his new favorite band. Advantage to living on Avengers Street.

"Hey I have to go. Get letters for Finn and all."

"The one at your house?" he asked, confused.

"No, the other one."

"Ah. Have a SUPER day!" and he walked off.

_Maybeck POV_

I was still upset over the cookies incident yesterday, Philby's cookies were world-famous. But if I even said something that might offend Kat, I would not exist on this earth. I wasn't afraid of anybody or anything, except Kat.

"MAIL!" she yelled suddenly, from the top of the fridge. She occasionally landed in random places throughout the house, never in the pool though.

"You've got mail, Beck Beck," she smirked, tossing it in my face. I hated that nickname.

**Dear Maybeck,**

**Just wondering, do you have a self-esteem problem?**

**Have A Nice Day,**

**Lex :D**

Yes, have a nice day, when you insulted my self-esteem. I'm like a GOD compared to these humans.

**Dear Lex :D,**

**I'm very much sure that I do not have self-esteem problems. Check the signature at the end. Instead of 'love' or 'sincerely', you should always bow to me.**

**Ruler of the World,**

** Maybeck**

_Philby POV_

I was still angry about the cookies. I worked for 45 minutes on those things! Including oven time, but still! But yet, Kat pretended like it never happened. When she handed me a letter, I was going to give her a piece of my mind when her phone rang.

"Kat speaking," she said. I heard a loud noise on the other end.

"Finn? WHO LET THE BEAR-HOUNDS LOOSE? Get Silvia or George to help! Screw that, get Dumbledore! Be home ASAP!" she hung up.

"Gotta make this speedy," she said calmly.

"Finn?"

"You mortals can't comprehend my magic. There's a clone of Finn at my house. That's the simplest I can break it down for you. Except, the Finn here is the clone of the one at my house. I have the real Finn. GAH! Answer the dang letter!" and ran out. That cleared up nothing.

**Dear Philbs,**

That's what Maybeck calls me. I HATE that.

**Are you gay for Finn?**

**Love,**

**No matter What Your Answer Is, I know It's True**

Why does everyone think that? It's a ridiculous assumption, even though there were tons of Phinn fics out there. It's gross.

**Dear… No matter What Your Answer Is, I know It's True,**

**I am not gay for Finn. **

**Love, **

** Not Gay Philby**

_Charlene POV_

"You must be bell of the ball today, Charred rock!" Kat exclaimed.

"A., what does that even mean? And B., don't call me that,"

"You'll love it. Eventually. And it's supposed to mean sociable and have lots of friends. Oh well, no one cares about those old sayings anymore."

"You make it sound like your thirty," I pointed out.

"Want me to act my age? LOL OMG I GTG TTYL!" and she skipped out of my room. I rolled my eyes and opened the letter.

**Dear Charlene,**

**I appreciate your response. I am sorry my alter ego, Artemis, writes mean things. I have another question for you. Would you ever consider dating Maybeck?**

**Philby In A Box,**

** Skittles**

Her alter ego was Artemis? Interesting! I didn't understand her signature, 'Philby In A Box'? And at least she wasn't like, "DATE MAYBECK OR I'LL KILL YOU' like most Marlene fangirls. And guys..

**Dear Skittles,**

**Although I don't understand your signature, I am glad that you apologized for your… alter ego. Peter Parker had lots of trouble with Spiderman too. I would not consider it because the Keepers are like family, and that means I would date my brother, which would be kind of gross. But I would consider dating Finn. He's totally cute right? Oops, don't tell him I said that.**

**Love,**

** Charlene**

_Jez POV_

"Your first letter!" Amanda said, coming in with a letter.

"Really? Where's Kat?"

"She had an emergency. Said something about bear-hounds and giant hamsters. And some deodorant."

"Oh. Um. Okay," I said unsurely. I opened it up.

**Dear Jess,**

**Hi! Is Amanda annoying? Or is she awesome? I need to get a feel of her personality cause when they make a movie about you guys, I REALLY wanna try out for Amanda. If you don't tell me, that's alright, I can just go to Catluver3's house and get Amanda and… why am I exposing my evil plan? Let's pretend I never typed that… let's try this again… what evil plan? Anywho… bye! Tell everyone I said hi!**

**-Amanda J. Granger "Mandy G"-**

"HEY EVERYONE! AMANDA GRANGER SAYS HI!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I received less enthusiastic 'hi's or 'hello's.

**Dear Mandy G,**

**Everyone says hi back! Amanda isn't usually annoying, most of the time, she goes off somewhere with Finn, and they only call me when they need me, which is fine with me. Amanda's nice to everyone, and usually reserved because she doesn't know them that well, but when she's around people she knows like us or me, she becomes somewhat nice, really brave, and loud. I think she likes Finn. Honestly. A lot of people agree. She's annoying when she takes advantage of her 'I'm one year older than you, I make the rules!' or something. I usually point out that I'm psychic and if she ever wants my help again, she better let me watch Disturbia. I have to get what I want, even when it's out of the good of her heart or something. Who's Catluver3? She has Amanda? I doubt that because Amanda's watching me write this letter. Perhaps a look alike, but whatever!**

**Sincerely,**

** Jez**

_Finn POV_

Kat made sure that I would give this letter to everyone. No one knew to go downstairs, so I quickly sat down in the Chair.

"MEETING!" I yelled. Everyone piled in and Charlene stomped her foot when she saw me in the chair.

"'Sup?" Maybeck asked from the spinny chair by the leather couch.

"A letter addressed to all of us. Here," I said.

"**Hey Keepers,**

**Just wanted to know. Are you guys like a family? Is there one that always gets picked on? Is there one that you all treat like the baby of the family? My friends and I are close like that, and I'm the one that gets picked on… meh.**

**Sincerely,**

** Do I have to Tell You My Name?**"

"It's fairly obvious we are some sort of family, so it's a yes to the first question," Willa said.

**Dear Do I Have To Tell You My Name, **

I wrote on another letter.

**We are a family, a strange family, nonetheless.**

"Who gets picked on?" I asked.

"Philby," Willa said.

"Charlene," Philby said.

"Amanda!" Charlene protested.

"Finn!" Amanda accused.

"Guys!" I exclaimed. "It's Maybeck."

"What?" he said suddenly, not even paying attention.

"Ohhhhh," everyone chorused.

**Maybeck is the one we pick on, because he's… 'man' enough to take it, and also not the brightest when Philby makes a sophisticated joke on him, calling him the 'Spockless nit' or something. Maybeck thought it was a cleaning company, 'Spockless'.**

"Is there a baby in the family?" Charlene asked, recalling the next question.

"Willa," we all said.

"Hey! No I'm not!"

"Name the last time you freaked."

"Name the last time YOU freaked, can you remember? No! So it was a while ago! If anything it was Finn when Amanda went into a coma."

"But I'm the leader so it doesn't count," I persisted.

**No one's really the 'baby' of the family, but I think it's Willa. Maybe not. Maybe.**

**Love,**

** Finn, Maybeck, Philby, Charlene, Willa, and Amanda**

Me: Stupid Bear-Hounds. Always interfering.

Finn: It's Broomhilda's fault! You let her out of her cage!

Me: She has to move, you know.

Finn: Dumbledore helped at least.

Me: I got back as fast as I could!

Finn: You could've..

**Read and Review? Cutting off Finn is important. Didja know I have a Facebook now? Now you do. It's Kat OfFlorida, because I put 'OfFlorida' as my last name and it put a space between. It's blank, I haven't added any info, but it's me! And Finn. Sort of. Anyway, review like there's no tomorrow! I might not update tomorrow, so that gives you an extra day to come up with some good questions! **

**Amanda: You haven't sent anything to me!**

**Shut up Amanda. Selfish. Okay, bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

Me: YAY! I gave you all a day off yesterday, and you all are slackin'! I think.

Finn: We haven't counted the many reviews you guys have submitted for us today.

Me: The total number is… six! Nevermind.

Finn: The average amount we receive anyway is six.

Me: Sorry. Heh.

Chapter 4: Letters to the DHI

_Kat POV_

I went back to Finn's house after the, _ahem_, emergency at my house. Bear-hounds are stupid. Why did I even create them? Who knows, why did I create Candice? Was I that bored? I appeared outside on the porch and started to go in, the door was locked. I cursed loudly and started banging on it. Maybeck walked by the door. I banged on it for a bit more. He had his earbuds in and couldn't hear me. What a loser! I extended my arm and pressed my hand up the glass.

"Hocus Pocus, Abrakadabra, Alakazam, Sharpie!" A wave-like movement rippled through my arm and out of my hands and onto the glass, rippling it like the glass was water before it shattered to the ground.

"AH!" Maybeck screamed, pulling out his earphones.

"Hi! I'm back!" I said, before stepping in.

"Why did you do that?" he exclaimed.

"It was locked. Hmm, someone should clean that up."

"You."

"Well, I have mail to deliver, and you didn't get any, unless you want me to…"

"NO! I'll clean it up!" I wasn't surprised he knew what I was going to say. I could see why.

"I'd love to stay, but I have mail. Later Beck Beck!" I skipped off to Willa.

_Willa POV_

I was writing in my diary, my private diary when Kat burst in. I shrieked quietly and hid the diary underneath my pillow.

"Hello Willow! I WHIP MY HAIR BACK N' FORTH!"

"I'm not that Willow. I'm WillA. See the difference?" I tried. It never worked so I wasn't surprised when she tossed a few letters at me.

"And when you're done with those and Steve Jobs…"

"Bill Gates," I corrected.

"Right, sorry. Finn's owl is Steve… Rest in Peace…. Anyway, when you give it to Ste…Bill Gates, you can finish writing in your diary about the tales of a princess."

"How…? H…? Uh…?"

"I'm Kat, dear. I know all, see all, and eat all. Who oppose me," she added.

**Dear Willa,**

**I think you would be a tribute for District 12. Do you agree? What districts would you think your friends would be in and why? **

**May the odds be ever in your favor,**

** Madge **

"Kat, what's a district?"

"Hunger Games, dear," she said. I don't know why she's calling me 'dear' suddenly.

"Oh! I read those!"  
>"They're making a movie."<p>

"Really?"

"Come on, Wills, that's old news. Answer it."

**Dear Madge,**

**The District Katniss is from? Totally! I probably wouldn't like the coal mines too much, or getting too dirty, not like 'ah! I broke a nail!' dirty but 'unrecognizable' dirty. Anyway, Philby would probably be from District 3, electronics, Maybeck from District 5 for power, and probably arrogance too. Finn would be from District 10, because I don't know. I feel like he would. Charlene loves the water, so she would be District 4.**

**Peace In the World,**

** Willa**

I sent it off and picked up the next one.

**Dear Willa,**

**Where are you from?**

**Luv,**

** Lex**

I thought about it. Country? School? State?

**Dear Lex,**

**I used to live in Minnesota, I still remember snow and other things, when I was one or two before my family moved down here so my dad could get his job at the Kennedy Space Center. I live in Florida now, with the DHIs.**

**Peace In the World,**

** Willa**

_Philby POV_

"OPEN SESAME!" Kat screamed.

"It's open," I sighed. The door was flung open and Kat ran in, tackling me on my bed.  
>"AGH!" she yelled.<p>

"AGHH!" I yelled.

"Mail," she said regularly. She handed me a letter and left. I was still terrified she'd come back, but she didn't.

**Dear Philby,**

**Are you dating Alesia or Willa? Tell people I said hi! **

**I Have You In A Box,**

** Skittles**

She has me in a box? Last I checked, I was in this house. I looked outside to make sure. Angel was playing catch with Total in the lawn across the street, Iggy mowing the lawn. Why was the blind guy mowing the lawn? I don't know.

**Dear Skittles,**

**I don't know who Alesia is, but that sounds like a nice name. I'm not dating Willa, because I'm single, and I prefer it that way. **

"SKITTLES SAYS HI!"

"Are you going insane?" Jez yelled back.

"SOMEONE'S SIGNATURE IS SKITTLES, NOT THE CANDY!" I hollered. Stupid.

"HI!" everyone screamed.

**And everyone says hi back I have a question for you, how did you come up with 'Skittles'?**

**Sincerely,**

** Philby**

_Amanda POV_

"Hey! I got mail today!" I exclaimed.

"Yep! Your selfish comments must've helped! You got two letters! When you're finished, get in the living room, there's one addressed to.."

"All of us?"

"You know them so well," Kat said, somewhat sarcastically. She went in the living room to wait.

"GET OUT!" I heard her yell.

"I WAS HERE FIRST!" Maybeck's voice retorted.

"OUT OF MY CHAIR!" I heard Kat respond. There was an enormously large crash and thud and "AHHH!" from Maybeck. Don't mess with Kat and the Chair.

**Dear Amand**a,

**Do you prefer Finmanda, or Famanda. Personally, I like Famanda better, but whatever. **

**Love,**

** F#1**

I at least knew what F#1 was talking about. Finmanda, or Famanda, was the nickname for fanfics about me and Finn.

**Dear F#1,**

**I do like Famanda better, it flows. Thanks for writing!**

**Love,**

** Amanda**

I sent it off and I picked up the next one.

**Dear Amanda,**

**Hi! I'm going to play you when they make a movie! Bye!**

**-Amanda J. Granger "Mandy G"-**

They're making a movie? We'd all have to go see it! Then, I read it again. 'When they make a movie'. I cursed and wrote back.

**Dear Mandy G,**

**I would love it if you played me in the movie and not some actual celebrity! I think it would be cool since you technically know me personally! Thanks for writing!**

**Love,**

** Amanda**

_Kat POV_

I grabbed Maybeck and threw him out of my chair and watched him crash into the side of the couch. I smoothed out the fuzzy parts of the seat and sat down.

"I SUMMON YOU ALL!" I yelled. "EVERYONE!" One by one, they slowly trickled down the stairs.

"What's wrong Maybeck?" Charlene asked.

'I'm guessing he sat in the Chair," Finn said. I nodded. See? That's why I kidnapped that boy. Besides his looks of course. But the looks were mainly it.

"Okay! You got a letter addressed to ALL! Jez and Amanda participating," I said.

"**Dear all Kingdom Keepers,**

**I like you all very much! Charlene is very much like myself, except alive. I was killed by the Capitol in an explosion. Read Catching Fire. Here is my question: Do you all know who I really am? I'm sorry if I sound like a stalker or a perv.**

**May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favor,**

** Madge Undersee/Kat's Crazy Friend.**"

"You know her?"

"I know all fictional characters! Maximum Ride lives across the street, and this one here, Hunger Games, is over on Movie Road."

"Maybe we'll get to move to Movie Road…" Finn said wistfully.

"What's Movie Road?"

"Movie Road, Beck Beck, is when a movie is in the production of being turned into a movie. When it turns into a movie, they move to Celebrity Lane," I said.

**Dear Madge Undersee,**

"So she's dead?" Charlene asked timidly.

"In the book, yes. In this world, no. She lives in Movie Road, with like a billion other people."

"Big house," Finn commented.

**Kat knows who you are, 'MADGE'. Willa does, but I don't think anybody else does. What losers. Don't read Hunger Games… no life. Good luck with that huge house of yours! Tell Gale I said hi, and to call me (Kat). **

**Love,**

** Jez, Amanda, Finn, Philby, Maybeck, Willa, Charlene, and Kat**

Me: Heh… I'm Team Gale. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE T-SHIRTS!

Finn: From asking others, the majority are Team Peeta.

Me: That irks me! I love Peeta, but Gale is better!

Finn: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYY…

Me: Ha! If you are okay with… um… mild language and comedy and AWESOMENESS in a less than 5 minutes, go watch NicePeter! He does Epic Rap Battles of History! ALL OF THEM ARE AWESOME.

Finn: There's no real words to describe the videos, other than 'uber', and even that doesn't.

Me: Go look! NicePeter…

**Read and Review? If you are a nicepeter fan, tell me. I hope SOME of you are… no hiding anonymous readers! If you think Kingdom Keepers should move to Movie Road, you need to join my community, Kingdom Keepers SUPPORT! because I plan to give it as many stories as Percy Jackson communities, which is over 200. I know we have enough Kingdom Keepers to pass it! DON'T HIDE! After self-plugging my community into this, have an awesome Thursday and eat spaghetti!**


	5. Chapter 5

Me: Sorry it took so long. I went to a flag football game on Friday, went to Sonny's then came home at ten-ish, and barely felt like typing up KKPJ.

Finn: And then Homecoming was on Saturday.

Me: I got my nails done! Sparklyy…

Finn: -snaps fingers- Kat.

Me: -mesmerized-

Finn: KAT! –claps-

Me: -mesmerized-

Finn: -sigh- -goes into kitchen- I'm going to eat all of the icecream.

Me: NO YOU'RE NOT!

Chapter 5

_Kat POV_

I appeared back at my house, landed in the middle of the driveway. I could see Silvia the Vampire trying to watch Captain America work out in the SuperHero Gym across the street.

"NO!" I yelled at her. She frowned and continued jogging. I could see Character Academy stretched across the way, the dorms sitting peacefully. School was out for them and the staff.

"LETTERS!" a squirrel screamed from a pine tree. I sighed. Why did I get that Reminder-Squirrel-Clock? I think it was Finn's idea. Stupid. I went inside and took a few letters for the DHIs.

"Off to my house?" Finn asked, sitting on the couch.  
>"Yep. They still don't know that you're the real Finn. It's disappointing," I said, transporting on Philby's bed.<p>

_Philby POV_

"AHH!" I screamed, falling off my bed, my Physics book flopping on the floor.

"Whatcha readin'?" Kat asked curiously.

"Physics book for… uh… school."

"Lies. You're reading it because you can understand it. I'll have you do my Physics homework when I get there. Anyway, letter!" she threw a letter at me, which it fluttered in the draft of the air and went nowhere near where Kat had thrown it.

"It has no dimension, therefore, no thrust," I explained.

"Yeah, I knew that," she said, hopping off of my bed and leaving without picking up the letter she dropped.

**Dear Philby,**

**Do you realize you've got a LOT of fangirls?**

**Love,**

**Anne**

I do? I realized I had gotten lots of mail in the past, probably from girls. Hopefully no guys. Well, guys sending me letters are cool too, not saying that I was awesome and hot or whatever like the girls said. Agh, I was turning into a homophobe.

**Dear Anne,**

**I suppose I did, but never admitted it to myself. Thanks for enlightening me about that. Willa always said I was so obtuse.**

**Sincerely,**

** Philby**

_Willa POV_

"Mail! Again!" she called. I could see Kat dancing down the hallway and throwing the letters carelessy into the air.

"There's not a lot," Maybeck noticed.

"I didn't grab a lot. Now, after you're finished, you've got two letters addressed to all. SO GET DOWNSTAIRS, okay? MAYBECK, OUT OF MY CHAIR!" Kat yelled, stomping down the steps towards the Chair.

**Dear Willa,**

**Hi! So hears you read the Hunger Games. I love the books! Which one is your favorite, and Team Gale or Team Peeta? (Please don't spoil anything for me, I only finished the second book).**

**Love,**

**Mandy G**

I sighed. I got the 'Team Gale' or 'Team Peeta' thing a lot. Strangely enough, I'm Team Gale, even with what happened in the third book. Crap, no spoilers.

**Dear Mandy G,**

**I loved the first one the best! It was awesome because you weren't familiar to the Games! And I'm Team Gale, weirdly enough. The third book… nevermind. **

**Peace In The World,**

** Willa**

_Kat POV_

"GATHER, DEAR CHILDREN!" I yelled. I wiggled in my chair as they all piled in, sitting on the couches, the chairs, or the floor.

"You've got two letters, addressed to all."

"Great! Let's hear it," Finn said eagerly.

**Dear Keepers and Kat,**

"That's me!" I interrupted myself.

**Do any of you like Big Time Rush? Are any of you Team Logan? I am!**

**-Mandy G (or as I'm known by my friends- CAMILLE THE SNOWMAN LUVER!-**

Charlene squealed when I said Big Time Rush. She squealed even louder when I mentioned 'Team Logan'.

"He's my favorite! He's soooo cute!" she exclaimed. Maybeck groaned, Finn looked uncomfortable, and Amanda's cat meowed loudly. Yes she has a cat.

**Dear CAMILLE THE SNOWMAN LUVER,**

**Charlene loves Big Time Rush and I'm certain she's seen every single show and heard every song by them. She is Team Logan and I quote, 'He's my favorite! He's soooo cute!'**

**Love,**

**Amanda, Jez, Charlene, Maybeck, Willa, Philby, Finn, Kat, and Amanda's cat.**

"There's two, right?" Philby said as Bill Gates carried the letter off.

"Yeah," Maybeck said.

**Dear All,**

**I'm surprised you all are that dumb!**

"Excuse me?" Philby exclaimed.

"He was just reading a Physics book. For fun," I pointed out.

**And Kinn, you should've told them who I am. You do you know me!**

"Who's Kinn?"

"Kat and Finn," I said.

"Why not Khilby?" Finn asked.

"Because I have you at.. nevermind."

**And, I AM MADGE! You all don't deserve cupcakes. Only Steve Jobs and Bill Gates do.**

Both owls hooted loudly. Yeah, Bill Gates was back already.

"So she was the dead girl?" Charlene asked.

"Duh," I said.

**And to answer your questions, Phil-Phil.**

"Is that a new nickname?" Maybeck asked.

"Like Beck Beck," I exclaimed. Maybeck growled at me.

**I have your clone in a box! USE YOUR CROISSANT!**

"Hey, you have a clone," Willa announced.

"Why would I use a croissant? I make killer croissants…" he said.

**I steal people Skittles and pelt them with them, so call me Skittles. Well, the only person that call me that is my half-boyfriend. Oops.**

"So, it's not after the candy, but after kidnapping and skinning?" Jez exclaimed.

"Yup!" I replied enthusiastically.

**I AM DISTRICT 1! BOW DOWN TO MY CAREERNESS!**

**On to the question! Who is the **

My phone chose to ring at the moment.

"Hello?" I asked. I heard Harry Potter and Dumbledore screaming incoherently on the other end.

"AGHHHHHHAGHAGBAHII!" it sounded like.

"DID YOU RELEASE THE FIREBREATHING SNAILS? They're dangerous I tell you! AND the flying TVs? What is wrong with you people?" I exclaimed. Everyone was staring at me. I sighed.

"Be there in a bit." I hung up and cleared my throat.

**weirdest! And I am included! TEAM PEETA! CURSE YOU GALE YOU…. **

"BLEEP!" I interrupted the letter.

"Why?' Maybeck asked.

"Because it's a spoiler! SHHH!" I said.

**May the odds be forever not in your favor,**

** Skittles Mellark**

"Writing back now," I said. "Who's the weirdest?"

"You!" everyone chorused.

"Why?" I demanded.

"You just got a phone call about fire-breathing snails and flying TVs," Amanda said.

"Point taken," I said.

**Dear Skittles LOSER Mellark,**

**Kat here is the weirdest! DEATH TO PEETA! I HOPE HE GETS EATEN BY BEAR-HOUNDS OR FLAMED TO DEATH BY FIRE-BREATHING SNAILS!**

**Sincerely,**

** Kat Hawthorne. And the others. But mainly Kat.**

Me: DEATH TO PEETANS! All hail Gale!

Finn: I can see that as a bumper sticker.

Me: And fire-breathing snails are real. They're in the same room as the Bear-hounds.

Finn: Nasty little things. No control.

Me: Dragon vs. Fire-breathing snail… who wins?

Finn: Snails.

Me: Definitely snails. Since their fire is infused with either poison, or infections. Mainly infections, and we contain the poisonous ones.

**Read and Review? So lazy, only got four letters this time! Now write a letter! Finn is being neglected! What? No, you're not Finn, why did you write that? Anyway, review por favor, or you'll meet a FIRE-BREATHING SNAIL! Heh…**


	6. Chapter 6

Me: Wednesday story! WOOHOO!

Finn: Oh, I'm enthralled.

Me: Using big words. Finn's becoming smarter. Everyone run for your lives. –sarcasm-

Finn: Oh, ha ha ha. –sarcasm-

Me: I'm writing this on Monday because we have the day off! YES!

Finn: Meaning we can do nothing.

Me: Except for this. ON WITH IT.

Chapter Whatever

_Kat POV_

Having being caught with the avian flu forever, I had to give it back to the Maximum Ride house, so they weren't too happy with me, but oh well! I poked through my mailbox to retrieve some letters. Finding several sitting in there from two months ago, I decided to deliver those.

"Hocus Pocus Abrakadabra Alakazam FINN'S HOUSE!" With a flash, I was standing on the TV. Maybeck jumped and fell out of his chair.

"What the heck!" he yelled.

"Sorry," I said sarcastically. I hopped down and glanced at what he was watching. "Wheel of Fortune?"

"No, it… it's on commercial."

"That's a very TV-like, and lengthy commercial. Rethink yourself, Beck-Beck." I patted his head before looking through to see if he got a letter.

"No letter for Beck-Beck! Aww… but get out of my chair before I get back. Clear?" He nodded and I saw him make a face as I turned around.

"I can see you."

Maybeck coughed and ran into the kitchen. All I do is win. I went up the stairs to Philby's room. He was sleeping! My perfect opportunity! I crept closer to him and studied my scene. How could I do this? I took his mail and set it on the carpet. I very carefully covered him in a blanket and tied it to the mattress. I flicked on the lights.

"WAKE UP!" I screamed and Philby sat up with a start. Or at least tried to. He thrashed around for a few moments, trying to pull up the blanket. I ran away so he wouldn't know it was me. He'd know it was me.

_Philby POV_

"It's something I've always wanted to do," Willa said, looking up at me.

"And what is that?" I asked. I was confident. I was cool. I was awesome. Willa leaned forward, her lips almost to mine when…

"WAKE UP!" someone screamed, giving me a heart attack. I jolted up to find myself pinned to the bed. I waved my arms around, trying to move the blanket so I could sit up. When I freed myself, I looked around and didn't see anyone. I swung my legs over the bed to get up and find this person who ruins my dreams, but stepped on a pile of mail and fell to the floor. Kat. I picked up one letter and read it.

**Dear Philby,**

**Just wondering if you've ever actually read the Lord of the Rings books. Because they're really long, and out of all the Kingdom Keepers, you're the only one I would have expected to actually read through the books. **

**Oh, and also, YOU ARE EPICALLY AWESOME. ahem...*clears throat***

**Your relatively sane friend, **

**Kestrel**

I smirked. Of course I was epically awesome.

**Dear Kestrel,**

**I have read the Lord of the Rings books, and no one else in the Kingdom Keepers has. Aragorn is my favorite, just saying. Maybeck isn't smart enough to have finished the first chapter. I know I am epically awesome, and so are you.**

**Sincerely, **

** Philby**

_Willa POV_

Based on the terrified scream I heard, Kat was here. And I was right. She came bouncing down the stairs and almost stepping on a cat.

"Why is there a cat here?" she asked, picking it up.

I shrugged.

"I think Finn found it."

"And he brought it in?"

"Maybe. Finn, come here!" Amanda called. Finn walked in and saw the cat.

"Isn't that the cat from outside?"

"Did you bring it in?" I asked.

"Er, no."

"Well how did it-" Jess started.

"It's mine! It followed me here!" Kat interrupted loudly.

"Why didn't you say that earlier?"  
>"I forgot."<p>

"You forgot you had a cat," Jess repeated.

"Yes."

"How in the world could you-"

"Letters for Willa!" Kat interrupted again, throwing some mail at me.

"Gee thanks," I said.

"Where's Charlene?"

"Outside, I think…"

"When you're done, get Philby and go into the living room, letters to all." I sighed as she opened the glass door and started screaming like she was being murdered. That would bring Charlene over. I opened the first letter.

**Dear Willa,**

**Actually, I know what Gale did. * tear *. Skittles told me grrrrrrrrrrrrr. But I don't know how, where, or why, so please don't tell me anymore. Thx!**

**~ CANT STAND GALE MANDY ~**

**Dear ~ CANT STAND GALE MANDY ~,**

**I was confused at that part, but hopefully you would've read it by now. My lips are sealed. FOR NOW. But Gale is better. **

**Peace Around The World,**

** Willa**

I felt someone staring at me as Bill Gates came and took my letter. I looked up and Jess was staring at me.

"Um, Jess?" I asked, waving my hand in front of her face.

"NERRRRF!" she shouted, twitching her hands over her chest.

"Uh…"

"NERRRF!" she shrieked again and ran into the living room. That was weird.

Next letter!

**Dear Willa, **

**You, Amanda and Philby are my favorite, could you tell them that? And also: Do you like being smart?**

**Lex**

I grinned. Of course I love being smart, and being someone's favorites. Usually it was Maybeck or Finn that's a favorite. Or Charlene.

**Dear Lex,**

**I'm glad I'm one of your favorites!**

I paused to yell through the house.

"LEX'S FAVORITES ARE AMANDA AND PHILBY!"

"THANKS!" Amanda hollered. Philby grunted. I turned and saw him fall down the stairs.

**Philby and Amanda thank you. I enjoy being smart, but not as smart as Philby. I don't read Chemistry before I go to bed. If anything, it's to help me go to sleep. **

**Peace Around The World,**

** Willa**

_Charlene POV  
><em>

My first thought was, "Someone's hurt!" and I came running to their aid. And then I saw Kat.

"Oh," I said, disappointed. I had just taken life-saving courses and I wanted to use them.

"Got you," Kat said, holding a cat in one arm and mail in the other.

"What's with the cat, Kat?" I asked, grinning at my joke.

"I'm dying of laughter. Here's your mail." She handed me a couple letters.

"And then in the living room?" I asked.

"Yerp! FLUFFY CHAIR!" she yelled, charging off to the living room. She had closed the sliding glass door behind her, so she was running straight into the door.

"Kat watch out!" I exclaimed as she hit it. And went right through the walls. Okay…

**Dear Charlene,**

**What if I told you I was going to give Finn the letter that said you thought he was cute?**

**~Scarlet~**

Die, I thought.

**Dear ~Scarlet~,**

**I would die inside. Or run and hide. Or try and burn it or rip it to pieces. Overreaction? No, I'm a girl! **

**Love, **

** Charlene**

I held the letter up and a flying TV swooped down. I shrieked as it carried my letter away. I was expecting an owl or something! Gosh, that TV was going to kill somebody, I thought as it went sailing over the rooftops. It hit a chimney, breaking it cleanly, and staggering through the sky. I saw King Leonidas screaming at the TV angrily. Nice place to hit, TV.

**Dear Charlene**

**I KNOW RIGHT! LOGEY IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!**

**~ Mandy Henderson ~**

**P.S.- I CALL DIBS! IM GOING TO MARRY HIM IM GOING TO MARRY HIM!**

I frowned. Logan was MINE!

**Dear ~Mandy Henderson~**

**NO! He's mine! ALL MINE!**

**Love,**

** Charlene Henderson**

_Amanda POV_

I tried to talk Maybeck out of the chair, but he wouldn't leave.

"I'm fine," he growled.

"Say that when you're dumped in a garbage can in the morning," I replied. I stormed into the kitchen and got some pretzels from the pantry. When I turned around, Kat was standing right in front of me. Like her nose was a centimeter from my eye. I jumped back a bit, terrified by her silent appearance. I didn't bother to turn the light on in the pantry and I could see a glint in her eye.

"Mail," she said calmly. She turned walked out, then started yelling. Things crashed, I heard something break and an "OW!". Not long after, I saw Maybeck icing his ankle.

"I told you to move," I said. He growled at me.

**Dear Amanda,**

**Did you know that I have you locked in a closet with a blind cat? And that Finn is flying from Florida to California to find you? **

**Sincerely yours,**

**MoonXRain**

So. I was in a closet… with a blind cat. And Finn was coming to save me. AW! He was coming to save me! But why was I in a closet with a blind cat?

"Maybeck, are we in a closet?" I asked.

"MAYBECK IS!" Kat yelled from the chair, and I resisted the urge to laugh.

"No…?" he said, glaring at Kat from the kitchen.

"I saw that!" and a walnut flew out of nowhere, hit Maybeck, then disappeared.

**Dear MoonXRain,**

**I did not know that I was in a closet. Kat says that Maybeck is. A blind cat? Is that the cat that Kat has? That was a confusing question. How nice of Finn for coming to save me. **

**Sincerely,**

** Amanda**

_Kat POV_

While I was sitting on the chair, mentally hitting Maybeck with a walnut, I opened some of the letters to me.

**Dear Kat,**

**How can you be Team Gale? He's EVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!**

**~Mandy Mellark~**

I sighed.

**Dear ~Mandy Mellark~,**

**How can you be Team Peeta? He does NOTHHIIIINNNNNGGGG!**

**From,**

** Kat Hawthorne **

I held it up and Bill Gates picked it up, flying out of the window that was closed. Next letter!

**Dear Kat,**

**How do you like Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in the movie? Or how do you like the cast in general? We both STRONGLY disagree with it! So, Yaa. Peace.**

**Peeta and Skittles**

Well hello Peeta. We meet again. FOR THE LAST TIME!

**Dear –disgust- and Skittles,**

**I didn't really have a strong opinion on who is what, but I think the cast is okay. I don't disagree with it, but maybe it could've been better. Oh, and as for Bread Boy… LOSE SOME WEIGHT! HAHHAHAHA!**

**From, **

** Kat Hawthorne **

"OKAY EVERYBODY IN HERE NOW!" I yelled. One by one, they all slowly trickled in. Maybeck sat on a spinny chair, Finn, Charlene and Amanda sat on the couch. Jess sat on the floor, and Philby sat in a regular chair. My cat sat on my armrest.

"I've been expecting you," I said. Everyone groaned.

"Fine! First letter!

**Keepers and Kat,**

**Have any of you seen 'how to succeed in business without really trying' on Broadway STARRING DANIEL RADCLIFFE? IT'S AWESOME!**

**~ Mandy Finch ~**

"Unfortunately, Broadway isn't around here. Kat, could you make a fictional Broadway?"

"Starring who, Harry Potter as Daniel Radcliffe as his character? You can do that, that's way too much work. With bear-hounds, Finn, and the quest…"

"Me?" Finn asked. I coughed.

"Nothing."

"You said-"

"BACON!" I shouted.

"What?"

**Dear ~Mandy Finch~**

**We don't have Broadway, but it sounds funny. Was it funny and musical? DID YOU SEE DANIEL RADCLIFFE?**

**From,**

**Kat, Philby, Maybeck, Finn, Charlene, Willa, Amanda, Jess, and my cat. **

I set it on the table and Dumbledore, the newest owl, took it. He crashed into the wall before getting out. He was a bit retarded. Dumbledore at Character Academy wouldn't like it if he found out I named a retarded owl after him.

**Dear All,**

**I can see you. I'm always watching you. I know where you live. I'm watching you as I write this letter. I memorized your address. I'm closer than you think.**

**Bret**

"Who is that?" Amanda asked, terrified.

"A stalker?" Charlene asked.

"Is he gonna eat us?" Philby added.

"Is he going to kill us?" Finn worried.

"Rent a hotel," Maybeck declared.

"Call the cops," Willa argued.

"SEND THE CELERY ARMY!" I exclaimed. They all stopped spazzing and looked at me.

"A celery army?"

"No, it's a potato army. I just made that up so you'd listen."

"A potato ar-"

"Bret is a stalker! Clarified, and out of the way!"

**Dear Bret,**

**You're in my closet. I have taser. I'm prepared! -cue Scar and Hyenas dancing- -'Be Prepared starts playing- **

**From,**

**Kat, Maybeck, Philby, Finn, Amanda, Jess, Charlene, Willa and my cat.**

Me: And there you have it. Chapter Whatever.

Finn: Glad we take the time to look and see what it is.

Me: Soy perezosa.

Finn: Um. Quick question, who's the cat?

Me: AH! You caught the cat!

Finn: It wasn't that hard. You even signed the letters with 'my cat'.

Me: Clever boy! BUT YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! –throws arms down- -disappears in smoke-

Finn: -coughs- What? Kat?

**Read and Review? How does Kat do this? Just talk? Um. Well, she's posting on Wednesdays because she's supposed to be writing a novel until March 21st, I think. ANYWAY. So, it'll be a random story. Hint as to next week's: Venice Beach. All I can say, because I don't know. Okay, bye. -Finn**


	7. Chapter 7

_**This chapter is dedicated to Amanda J. Granger and her sister Android2Clove. I hope I got the usernames right. Sorry if I didn't…**_

Me: Prepare yourselves because this'll be a long one.

Finn: Chapter, I hope you mean.

Me: What else?

Finn: Um. Never mind.

Me: ANYWAY, I got 12 letters, so maybe Beck-Beck will get one this time (not)

Finn: Do you dislike him that much?

Me: No, I love Maybeck!

Finn: YOU LOVE HIM?

Me: Sure Finn. Whatever floats your boat.

Finn: Isn't the most recent Kingdom Keepers on a boat?

Me: NO SHH I HAVEN'T READ IT YET SHH

Finn: But-

Me: CHAPTER

Chapter Cabbage

_Kat POV_

I waved to Loki as I opened up my mailbox and grabbed a bunch of letters. Time to get rid of this useless paper choking my mailbox. When I pulled them out, the mailbox gasped for air and started coughing, blowing letters across the lawn.

"Stupid mailbox," I yelled at it, slapping it with an envelope and ran to retrieve all of the letters. Even when I finished, I knew I would be late.

"I blame you!" I slapped the mailbox again. I guess a girl slapping a mailbox isn't considered 'normal' in a society because all my neighbors were spectating me slapping a mailbox. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and turned to look at them.

I threw my arms down and disappeared in smoke. Before the smoke cleared, a flying TV grabbed me with a cable and carried me off. I went flying over a chimney, barely surviving, almost kicking out a window from Aslan's house, and a bird almost killed me. I decided halfway was good enough.

"HOCUS POCUS ABRAKADABRA ALAKAZAM, FINN'S HOUSE!" And then I was gone. Flying TVs aren't the brightest contraptions, even worse than Dumbledore the retarded owl, so he probably hovered there for an hour looking for me, even though he didn't move from his spot. I appeared in Finn's house on top of the refrigerator. Charlene was helping Maybeck with his homework at the table. They hadn't noticed me! Perfect. I crouched down and thought of exactly what I should say.

"You carry the five-" Charlene was saying.

"HEY YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!" I shrieked and they all jumped and turned around. Charlene screamed and Maybeck fell out of his chair.

"Hi guys," I beamed.

"OMG that was not cool!"

"Letter for Maybeck!" I tossed an envelope at him, which he failed at catching, hopped down, opened the fridge, took a Yoohoo and opened it.

"But that's the last one!"

"Good thing I got it!" and I left.

_Maybeck POV_

After nearly giving us a heart attack, screaming at us to kiss, she had the nerve to take the last Yoohoo.

"But that's the last one!" I protested.

"Good thing I got it!" she grinned. She took a sip and left. I growled at her.

"She's insane," I muttered, opening my letter.

**Dear Maybeck,**

**I hear that you secretly like Willa. Is this true? OF COURSE IT'S TRUE! My sis has you in a box. I have Philby at a ...ummm. I think he is Willa's... darn. I was gonna keep him in a box. ANYWAY, WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS!**

**MUFFINS,**

**Rue Lockhart**

Um. I secretly like Willa? News to me. I'm in a box? Better than in a closet.

**Dear Rue Lockhart,**

**I don't know who told you that I secretly like Willa, but it's not true and I'd like to smother that person with peanut butter who said so. I have no idea why you're telling me this.**

**Not-so-but-maybe Sincerely,**

** Maybeck**

Next letter! Man, I was getting all the mail today! I bet all the girls were wanting to talk to me.

**Dear Maybeck,**

**Are you and Jess dating? I totally think you should. Do you two flirt in the second book? I only read the first.**

**Love,**

**Sib**

Girls only wanting to know if I was dating someone? I shook my head. Some people don't know good if it wrote them a letter.

**Dear Sib,**

**I am not dating Jess. As of now, I'm dating no one. I flirt with every girl, so I might have. Don't take it too hard.**

**Not-so-but-maybe Sincerely,**

** Maybeck**

_Philby POV_

I made sure to stay awake this time, because I heard Charlene and Maybeck scream. Finn, Amanda, and I were playing Go Fish in Amanda's room.

"Go fish," Finn told me. I frowned and drew a card. I found I wasn't very good at Go Fish.

The door swung open and Jess stepped in.

"Hi Jess," Amanda said cheerfully.

"Can I play?"

"Sure, grab some cards."

Jess sat down, and took a few cards.

"Finn, do you have a queen of hearts?" Finn looked at her, then gave her a queen of hearts reluctantly.

"Did you see Kat?" I asked.

"I heard Maybeck and Charlene."

"Yeah, she's probably lurking around the house. She's so creepy."

"I'M NOT CREEPY!" Jess yelled, jumping up and with a puff of smoke and the smell of burnt potatoes, Kat was standing there.

"Well, when you shapeshift into one of our friends…"

"Letters!" She tossed a few at Finn and then at me.

"Should it rain today? Do you have a lawnmower?"

"Um… I think we have a lawnmower, and I don't think it's going to rain today," Finn said.

"I wanted to turn your bushes into a sculpture, but maybe I'll just get Finn to do it."

"I don't want to do it."

"Not you… uh. Never mind."

"Does this have anything to do with-"

"SCREECH!" she yelled, like a bird, and a new owl came in, a brown one with gray spots. He ran into the wall a bunch of times, but he landed on my head.

"Get off!" I swatted at him and he hooted. A small ravioli pulled himself up through the window.

"This window sure is uphigh, I would've thought that you were trying to get away from me, Kat. Hey look it's Finn!" the ravioli rambled, no bigger than my pinky finger. The little ravioli landed on the floor and jumped on Finn's knee.

"AHHH!" Finn yelled.  
>"Where was I when you left…"<p>

"What?"

"BYE MR. RAVIOLI!" Kat yelled, scooping up Mr. Ravioli and setting him into a catapult that had suddenly appeared in the room. Okay… She fired the catapult and the ravioli was sent off squealing, "Oh what fun!"

"Read your letters."

I rolled my eyes.

**Dear Philby,**

**Yes. I know that I am epically awesome as well. ;D Glad to hear you HAVE, in fact, read Lord of the Rings. Aragorn's cool, I guess, but I simply adore Éowyn and Faramir. **

**Because I'm a geek, I must ask you this: Have you read the Narnia books?**

**Your kinda sane friend,**

**Kestrel**

My almost sane friend! I enjoyed talking to her. I did like Eowyn and Faramir, but Strider aka Aragorn was my favorite.

**Dear Kestrel,**

**Éowyn and Faramir are awesome as well. I have not read the Narnia books, but I probably should…**

**Sincerely,**

**Philby**

I held up the letter and the retarded owl swooped in, running into the bed which was on the other side of the room, skid/crashing into the deck of cards before us before grabbing the letter in his beak, hooting "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" and barely making it out the window.

"Gandalf?"  
>"NO YOU STUPID BIRD, YOU'RE DUMBLEDORE NOT GANDALF!" Kat yelled from downstairs.<p>

I opened up the next one.

**Dear Philby:**

**Are you, like, gonna be shirtless in the fifth one?**

**Because I kinda want you to.**

**Like... you're so weird LOL**

**From,**

**That Anon**

What? I hadn't gone through the fifth one yet. Did I go shirtless? Ridley Pearson, what's wrong with you?

**Dear That Anon,**

**I certainly hope that I'm not going to be. It's kind of embarrassing, don't you think? **

**Sincerely,**

**Philby**

_Kat POV_

I went to the living room and sat down in my fluffy chair. Maybeck wasn't around to bully, so I decided to see if any letters were for me. I GOT LETTERS. I grinned and opened the first one.

**Dear Kat, **

**Yay a Team Gale fan! All I ever see are Team Peeta fans. And, whose your favorite Kingdom Keeper?**

**Hunger Games and Team Gale fan, **

**Rockstar**

"TEAM PEETA SUCKS!" I yelled.

"What?" Charlene asked.

"Um, Reaming Pitas Ducks."

"What?"

"GO AWAY."

"Fine fine…"

**Dear Rockstar,**

**TEAM GALE! Team Peeta is everywhere. Hm… I would have to say Finn. Since I kidnapped him and all. But I love everyone of them. **

**Sincerely,**

**Kat Hawthorne **

I held up the letter and a wind-up asparagus came walking through the closed window.

"Go away, Hephaestus!" I yelled. Hephaestus frowned, took his asparagus and walked away. A flying TV came in, making a huge hole in the wall and sending plaster everywhere. I facepalmed.

"NO! You do not deliver letters! Dumbledore and Bill Gates do!"

The flying TV whined and started away.

"Well now that you're here," I sighed, handing it the letter. Its cable grabbed it and flew out the hole squealing in happiness. Finn came running in.

"WHAT HAPPENED?"  
>"Just a flying TV," I shrugged. "Letters for you."<p>

"I already got them, I haven't answered yet. But a flying TV? That seems much for you."

"Of all things not to believe me… Write back your letters," I commanded. I opened up the next letter.

**Dear Kat,**

**Are you like, Katniss or something? I am Rue. I don't know how I am writing this. I am dead**

**May the bread be ever in your basket,**

**Rue**

I wish I was Katniss. Fire arrows! Pew pew!

**Dear Rue, **

**I am not Katniss, although that would be pretty awesome. I'm sorry you're dead That's not cool. **

**Sincerely, **

**Kat Hawthorne**

Bill Gates came in and took the letter away. Next one!

**Dear Kat,**

**Will you please get yourself Willa and Philby in the same room and make them confess their love for each other? I know you can!**

**Idk what to put here,**

**You don't need to know**

Hm. Not a bad idea.

**Dear You don't need to know,**

**That sounds like a good idea. I will do that!**

**Sincerely,**

**Kat Whitman **

_Finn POV_

When Kat got up, chuckling evilly, I knew sometimes was up. I was afraid to ask what.

"HEY WILLA AND PHILBY, C'MERE!"

I opened my first letter in a determination to ignore Kat's plot.

**Dear Finn,**

**I have you in my room. JK. It's just a clone. Ummm I think they sell them on ebay or something. That would explain why everyone has one. So was it fun to save Disney and to be a DHI? If they have an opening for a new DHI will you send me a letter. And I didn't know there was going to be. Any a kingdom keepers movie... did you guys even approve of that. Anyway... what do you think of all the fanfictions being written about you? How is *****? Ummmm. W...A...Y...N...E. Well you know who. Please send me a letter and an autograph.**

**Keyblades and keepers rule,**

**Keybladekeepers**

**Dear Keybladekeepers,**

**That would be kind of creepy if there was a clone to me on ebay. That would explain a lot of things though… anyway. It was fun, but it's also a near-death experience so that part isn't so great. A new DHI opening? First time I hear a word of it, I write to you. There's a Kingdom Keepers movie? Really? That's awesome! They better cast all of us properly. I did not approve of that, but as long as they don't mess it up. I think it's kinda nice having people write stories about me. Like I'm a celebrity or something. I haven't see in a while, but I'm sure he's fine. Letter? Done. Autograph? At the end of this page.**

**Sincerely,**

**Finnegan Whitman **

I was a bit surprised by the autograph request. I never had been asked for an autograph. I found myself happy by it. Kat came back in smiling.

"What'd you do?"  
>"Nothing."<p>

"You wanted-"

"Send the letter."

"Fine…" I said suspiciously. I held up the letter and Bill Gates took it away.

**Dear Finn,**

**I advise that you go to Kat's house. There's someone there I think you should meet. Oh yeah. I went there. *fist pumps* Did you know that Charlene thinks you're cute! I read it with my own eyes as I *happened* to be flying past you guyses' house...es...! :D Also, what do you think of Kat? And you must tell the truth!**

**Please enjoy the glitter muffin I enclosed within this letter. **

**Natsuki-baka! (PS): The magical rainbow flying-lemur that lives in my sock drawer says Hola! (she's Canadian! :3)**

"Hey Kat, who do you have in your house?"

"You."

"Ha ha, very funny. Who do you have in your house?"

"… I wasn't being funny. BUT THIS IS!" She leaned over and showed me a video feed of Philby banging on the door and Willa hitting the roof as she jumped up and down.

"What are they doing?"

"Trying to escape."

"WHAT?"

"Someone gave me the idea to put them in a room so they can confess their love for each other."

"SOMEONE GET THEM OUT OF THERE!" I yelled.

"They're fine."

"Where are they?"

"I'll tell you after you finish."

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

**Dear Natsuki-baka**

**Tell the Canadian magical rainbow flying-lemur that lives in your sock drawer that Finn says hi. What's in Kat's house?**

Wait. Charlene thinks I'm cute?

**I was uh… unaware of Charlene's feelings… thank you. Were you flying on the lemur? Does the lemur have a name? Kat is an… interesting person. She can be a bit annoying at times, but it's hard to HATE her. **

**Sincerely,**

**Finn**

I held up the letter and Bill Gates came back and took it. That was fast.

Charlene thought I was cute? What if she had a crush on me? I don't have a crush on her! I have a crush on… oh. My thoughts were being documented in a Fanfiction story. Nope, I ain't telling you.

"Alright, where are they?"

"Pantry."

I opened up the pantry door and Philby fell out.

"THANK YOU!" he gasped and Willa shrieked at the sight of an escape and ran out, stepping on Philby.

"OW…"

"I'M FREE!"

"OKAY EVERYONE GET IN HERE."

I helped Philby up and we both went into the living room.

_Kat POV_

Maybeck sat on the floor, Jess sat in the spinning chair, Finn, Willa and Philby were all on the couch, and Charlene was on the regular chair. Willa and Philby were glaring at me. What was their problem? They would've gotten out sooner if they just confessed their love to each other.

**Dear all,**

**Does Kat freak you out a little? Sorry Kat. Uh and you do know that you are considered fictional characters to most people, (Minus me.) Alright... if you had any wish in the world what would it be? For me it would be... I want to be a DHI along with all of you (that and have a keyblade (you probably don't know what that is)) please write back. Peace!**

**Keyblades and keepers rule**

**Keybladekeepers**

"Hm…" I said.

"Yes!" everyone chorused.

**Dear Keybladekeepers,**

**Yes I freak them out a little. Totally normal. **

"Are we fictional characters?" Philby asked.  
>I rolled my eyes.<p>

"Are you real?"

"Uh, I think so."  
>"Then yes."<p>

"Yes to what?"

**It's weird that people think they aren't real. What losers. Not you. You said minus me. **

"Wish in the world. Maybeck, you first."

"I wish to have a neverending supply of money."

**Maybeck would wish for a neverending supply of money.**

"Finn?"

"I wish I didn't have clones."

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

**Finn wishes not to have clones. **

"Lame wish. But Charlene?"  
>"I wish that I would look pretty without any makeup on."<p>

"Katy Perry," I muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." 

**Charlene wishes to look pretty without any makeup on. (Katy Perry)**

"Willa?"

"End to world hunger."

**Willa wishes the end of world hunger.**

"THAT'S a good wish," I pointed out. Willa beamed. Everyone else rolled their eyes.

"MOO!" Jess yelled.

"Amanda?"

"I wish that I could make any guy I want to fall in love with me."

**Amanda wishes to make any guy-**

"No wait! Read minds!"

**Um never mind, Amanda wants to read minds. **

"Jess?"

"I want to own an island."

**Jess wants an island.**

"Philby?"

"I want to be super muscular."

I shot him a look.

"Okay…"

**Philby wants to be buff. And I wish that I could have a laptop that never had to be charged.**

**Sincerely, **

**Kat, Jess, Amanda, Charlene, Willa, Philby, Maybeck, and Finn. **

The flying TV came busting another hole in the wall, feet from the hole it made before. I facepalmed.

"At least go through that one!" I yelled.

"Is that a flying TV?" Maybeck asked.

"Here," I sighed. The cable grabbed it and it went back through the hole it made.

"You weren't lying," Finn said.

"Have I ever?"

"Yes!"

"Probably."

"Shut up. Next letter."

**Dear All,**

**YES! I DID SEE IT AND IT WAS FUNNY AND MUSICAL-Y! I was in line to Dan, but I only got John Laroquette's autograph. Boohoo. but John was great in the play. SO WAS DAN! I still can't believe that I was 10 feet away from THE DAN RAD! *screams***

**Mandy Finch**

"AHH UNFAIR. She was ten feet away from Daniel Radcliffe!" Willa complained.

"One day," I said, patting her shoulder.

"Who's John Laroquette?" Maybeck asked.

**Dear Mandy Finch, **

**Willa's jealous that you were breathing near Daniel Radcliffe. Maybeck has no idea who John Laroquette is.**

**Sincerely, **

**Kat, Finn, Amanda, Willa, Charlene, Maybeck, Amanda, Jess and Philby**

Bill Gates took the letter before I even held it up and was gone.

"That's a good owl. Not like Dumbledore."

"Is that that bird's name?" Finn asked.

"Yeah. He's retarded."

"So I gathered."

"Next letter!"

**Dear EVERYONE,**

**How do you not get into fights?**

**From your best friend,**

**CYERA**

"I think we get into a lot of fights when Kat's not around," Maybeck said and everyone nodded.

"What? I'd like to see them," I frowned.

"Come around more and-" Maybeck started.

"NO!" everyone yelled. I glared at them.

**Dear CYERA,**

**They do when I'm not around. **

**Sincerely,**

**Kat, Finn, Charlene, Amanda, Bill Gates, Willa, Jess, Philby, and Maybeck**

"Is that it?" Charlene asked.

"No… but… BE PREPARED!" I yelled, throwing my arms down and disappearing in a puff of smoke, the smell of burnt potatoes, and all the sounds were drowned out by Scar and the Hyenas dancing on the coffee table and couches and singing 'Be Prepared'.

Me: YAY! Chapter Cabbage is done!

Finn: Now go post it. I'm hungry.

Me: You're always hungry.

Finn: So are you.

Me: Touché. OKAY BYE.

**R&R? Jess is feeling lonely. MOO!**


End file.
